I am trying to change the world.

Have you ever loved something so much?

Did you ever want something so much?

Have you ever cared so much on something?

Ever think you’d forever be sticking out for something?

PASSION. I would always wonder why I sing, why I play the guitar and why I joined the group. Well, it was hard to figure out what was the real reason.

PRACTICES. i have never auditioned in my entire life! when they opened the auditions, it took me a lot of courage to show up. they made me sing in front and I knew i was bound to fail my first ever auditioned. I was either flat or sharp but never got it right. But of course as you know i was invited to practice. I would have shouted for joy if only i was alone, instead I had this wide stupid grin in my face that was never washed out until that evening. Since then, I would never choose to miss out on practices.

LOUD. I have a very loud voice, the problem is my mind doesn’t read modulation, not in my dictionary. so, I always have problems. little by little the fire was decreasing. 

STAYING. I stayed, despite the insecurities i felt, the discrimination(?), the pretending i-understand-and-read-notes and the negative thoughts of other people about the group. I had a hard time getting and penetrating into the circle, I dug. I ignored negative comments and pretended i wasn’t hurt and just laughed it out. Every time I sung the(incidentally) wrong notes, an eye automatically goes to my direction. I was bothered then, I started to think that maybe I wasn’t really made for this, I would just destroy them and fail the performances. I tried so hard to get their trust, get them confident to sing with me, I wanted it. I wanted to belong here. But, it was hard for me. I WAS after all, A FRESHMAN new in singing.

CHANGE. If Sir **** never came I would have always fear(and idolize of course!) Ate ***** among others. I was startled after not being able to come to the first practice and after everything they’ve said about him. ‘SING’ this word was the only thing that remained in my mind while he looked at me straight in the eyes telling me to open my mouth, raise my eyebrows and think beautiful. Despite my heart thumping so fast and hard I sang and to be honest those times were one of my bests. And oh! Have i ever told you, I had trauma in singing?lol. Whenever I get nervous my voice doest come out. NADA. ZIT. but, those days…It was different for us. He challenged us and continuously reminded us what MUSIC and SINGING is all about. How it felt to be at the stage with your audience smiling widely while clapping. He pushed us so far, to such point that we were amazed of ourselves. And he said ‘good’ and that would never be forgotten. OUR LIVES CHANGED since then. 

HOPE and FAMILY. I found a family, after those difficult days we went through and I knew there was hope. The group would rise. We became closer and more open to one another. My dad and sisters has never been outspoken about how annoying my stories were about the group (coz it became the only topic i knew, well mostly!). But he listened while I whined and laughed about things that happens in every practice. And, how happy I felt every time, I enter the vicinity of UP at 6pm coz I know something great will be happening.

LOVE. I cant put in words how I love everyone and the name ‘KATINGUGAN’ itself. Everytime I tell them ‘I love you’ (which is everyday), some laugh and sometimes if I’m lucky they believe me and say ‘I love you too’. Even before the times with sir **** I already loved them, maybe even before I sang my first notes with them. I say this because, I wouldnt have stayed if it wasnt true. I cried, laughed and sang with all of them. and now that its time to part I gotta let go so that not shadows but memories that are sunny will remain. I love them and I hope the new ones will too, as much as i did or better yet more than how I loved KORO KATINGUGAN.

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